Daily EpiDose

Was just looking through my school magazines today, and reading all the funny, sweet and crazy comments left in my books.. and it all just got me thinking.
I mean, right now, those comments mean a lot coz they bring back such good memories.. and you can actually track the events.. like, eg. in this year, this happened and you were like this..
and I realised.. throughout the 5 years of high school, one prevalent comment I got was… "Stay Crazy" among other more embarassing and funny things. LOL.
And thinking about it, it’s great that the people we absolutely didn’t like or the things that meant such a great deal to me back then, just seems so small now.. yeah, I had a few people I kinda despised in highschool, but now, heck, I wouldn’t mind meeting them and just rekindling old memories.

But the best of all, of course, were the insightful things written by the people who were the closest to my heart. And I’m just so glad that I still have these friends with me.. though we don’t keep in contact always, but deep down, you guys are still the best!

And yeah, kinda sad, coz Mr. Macho’s granma isn’t doing so well… and feeling down la.. worried about her.. worried about his family… Haihz… so sad isn’t it.. when in life,you never think about the ending, and when something finally ends, you actually realise that so many other things end as well..

Haih… just feeling sad.. and wanna go pierce something somewhere today..
Tongue? Lip? Collarbone? Knuckle? Where else ar? anyone has any other suggestions.. pls do tell…

Anyways… Happy Merdeka! 48 years of fucking Independence and Colonial Mentality.

BOOYAHA!

doyy….

It just hit me…
Allow me to do something everyone does..

My wishlist… (awww…)

Things I’d love to have:

• A Burmese python (albino or non-albino)
• St. Bernard (dontcha think the cute lil barrels they have around their necks come in pretty useful in emergencies.. illegal emergencies..hehe)
• Drum set
• My Electone (since my mom sold off mine.. *sobsob*)
• Golden retriever (AWWWWW…..)
• Chinchilla (mini awww….)
• A talking parrot (one that swears for me, so I can remain verbally innocent)
• A built-in bar, fully stocked (and one that automatically restocks itself…)
• A field full of magic mushrooms
• A field full of weed
• Datsun 1970/1973 240Z (a beeyewtiful baby, if you ask me!)
• A home library done up in wood, from the floor to the ceiling, stocked with books, purely First Edition
• A beautiful house, big enough to store all these things
• A BIG compound to hold all my pets

Things I Wanna Do Before I’m 30:

• Go Bungee-Jumping in New Zealand
• Go to Africa, Egypt, the Bermuda Triangle
• Travel to third world countries
• Go backpacking in India and Nepal
• Quit smoking (or maybe not…)
• Get married (HAH… never thought you’d see that here, did ya?)
• Live the life of a pirate
• Have my own outlet for.. *top secret strategy and idea* (sorry..hehe so thats all i’m gonna say)
• Getting all my body modification ideas out and done… so I won’t be some old-gatal-to-be-young-wannabe retiree.

Things I Gotta Do To Achieve All That:

• GET ENOUGH MONEY.

DAYYMNN!!

And when I DO achieve all that.. imagine…

I’ll be drunk, and playing music…
With hallucinating pets running around my large compound..

WOOHOOOooOOoooOOO………..

That’s the life, ainnit??                ;P

Funny how when we were teenagers, everything seemed so simple.
And yet, we would complain about our teenage-angst and being cooped up and having our creativeness barred by our parents.

But the irony of it all is, we were freer than we can ever be, then.

I look back and ponder my life.

Feeling sentimental, whimsical, fanciful, yet wistfully recalling some things in my life which I don’t regret, but wish I had more wisdom to have known that certain things are and aren’t necessary.

Sometimes actions seem so stupid when you’re a few months down the road and looking back.

Sometimes certain feelings seem so misplaced when your heart’s no longer with that person.

And life is kinda scary in that sense…

It’s all about NOW.

Who’s who NOW. Who’s in NOW. Who’s doing what NOW.

Where we are NOW. How we feel NOW. What to do NOW.

Life’s urgent pulse just drains my very soul.

Despite this…

It amazes me, how we still carry on..
What moves us?
What motivates us?

To leave the debris and dust behind..
And to face the uncertainty of a new sunrise.

Every new day brings hope,
And with it comes the tainted possibility of disappointment
Success & failure
Life & death
Joy & sorrow

We are strong human beings, we are..

To endure this day after day after day after day after day after day …

Ah well.. it’s 6.46am now… and I haven’t slept yet.

Good morning to… another day…

Hellloooo… I’m back in Penang.. again! Term break this time.. sadly, not many people are in Penang now.. most of y’all have gone back to yer respective foreign countries.. But, as always, there is the Food.

Nah.. I’m back this time to see my grandma, me mom and me dad and the small sprinkling of friends I have left on this Lavly island.

Just arrived yesterday, and ironically, Mr. Macho (who’s known as Ian by day) sent me to the Pudu station. He happens to be slightly apprehensive of taking the bus to another state.. and so far, for me, everytime I go back, things have been peachy. But Oh, No… Not this time around. So there he was, manfully(Such a word??) lugging my heavy bag around while I looked for the bus counter in the newly-but-yet-to-be-completed Pudu Raya. After getting an immediate ticket, he found out that the bus was nearly full already.

So we hurried to the platform, and lo n behold, there was only one compartment… a TINY one, mind you, for luggage in the bus. And just so happens that there was a bunch of AmericanBornChinese people with their mandatory backpacks (which are Always so friggin’ BIG) and they were stuffing their bags into that

ONE.   TINY.   SPACE.

And there was no place for my bag. Fine. The guy said I would have to take it up with me and put it at my place.

So much for getting a single seat.. in a practically FULL bus.

Never mind that. Ian then carried up the bag into the bus. I was looking for my seat. Number 4…. NUmber 4…. AHHH….

the seat in front of No.4 was fully reclined to the back. Basically, the head of the seat was resting on No.4’s seat. And there was a bald middle-aged Malay guy sleeping like a baby, hugging 2 flowery cushions.

Hmmmm….

To wake or not to wake.

Crucial point.

Ian nicely tapped him on his shoulder and said, Excuse me.

Simple enough.

Two words.

2

words

"Excuse Me"

And the guy looked up and said…

"ORANG NAK TIDUR PUN  TAK BOLEH KE??!! HAH?!! BABI… TAK BOLEH NAMPAK KAH???? PERGI BELAKANG LAAHHH!! TAK ADA TEMPAT… DUDUK ATAS BANGKU LAHH!! CISS….. BABI PUNYA… NAK TIDUR PUN TAK BOLEH.. GILA PUNYA…. etc etc etc"

*stunned silence*

Well.. I was pissed and started swearing… "Who the fuck is that??" (Btw, ans: the driver)

"Then where the fuck am I supposed to sit?? If they want us to sit somewhere else, then dont put a fucking seat number on the ticket the next fucking time!NO blardy fucking manners.. psycho driver with PMS!"

Felt so bad for Ian. Kena marah for nuthin’.

CIS.

And so the rest of my journey was continued with my legs wedged into a tiny space next to the window.. coz legspace was all taken up by my huge suitcase. BEeyewtiful part… I had to push it in further coz consequently when everyone else who didn’t have space for their luggage in the compartment down below, came and just bulldozed their way thru. So my luggage bag kena la… sticks out a lil bit into the aisle… then some old chinese uncle was pulling this metal roll-ey thingy with plastic bags tied to it. He rammed right thru.. and the wheel of the roll-ey thing was blocked by the side of my suitcase.

Solution?

He kept ramming it and ramming it and ramming it…

Even though i was trying my best and fastest to jam my legs even more, so that I could slam my suitcase in a fraction more, just so he could pass.

No problem there.. but wats up with the ramming. Jeez.

I bet Ian swore right there and then to never ever take a bus.

Arriving safely, but with cramped legs and a beaten up luggage bag, I set foot on Penang once again… AHHAAH….

P.O.T.!!!!!

No.. not that.

Just… Pig Out Time! YAYYY!!

And I’m waiting for Ian to join me… so we can go traverse and savour the culinary delights (wipes drool off) of the FOod Paradise… Penang…

*evil laughter* Muahahahahaha.a.a.a…….

Wish me luck.

A hefty pocket.

An elastic stomach.

And good digestion.

Greetz everyone…
I’m back.. been kidnapped for 3 weeks straight..
Lavly prison actually.. with home cooked food that reminds me so much of Nyonya cooking, home entertainment, TV (with Astro sumore..), crazy bro & sis - Mr. Macho-Pig & Mizz Spastic-Whoaa. Haha.. great fun actually..

My term just ended on Friday, so I’m on break for 3 weeks.. Surprisingly, instead of shooting straight off to Penang, I’m going to stick around for a week in KL. Hehe, have my ties here now.. never thought I’d find roots here, but I have.

Well, things have changed so much since the middle of my blog.. and i’m in this whirlwind state of mind. i feel so different now.. like birds are singing all the time, and the beautiful part of it all is that, I’m finding myself again!

Yeah, Julia-Da-Clam is opening up. Dunno why… lolz.. Mr. MachoPig’s fault, I guess. ;P

In my past relationship, I lost myself.. compromised so much to the extent I didn’t even do what I liked anymore. I became a replica of the other person. A CLONE. And yet, amazingly, it dragged on for 3 years.

Just came into my head.. something I wrote sometime back.. which I’d like to put up.. in memory of a fizzled r’ship..

LeaveLoveLeft

leaving you is painful
like cutting away my hand
but change is always painful

to love you have to let go
clench me in your fist
and like a wild bird
the look of freedom dies
til i become subdued
lose my colour
lose my personality
and then become
just like any other
tamed, born, bred in captivity

then, you look at me
and see
what you dont want to see
what you never wanted
a dim faded wisp
of what had been
and never going to be again

will you then despise me?
for being what you made me to be
or if i fluttered a little harder
would you loathe me too?
for being the free spirit you loved  me for
 

love me for who i’m not
and loathe me for who i am

ask.. ask..
and you will be given
but
not when fluttering wings
belie a dead and shattered heart..

@ drakkarnienna.deviantart.com

But, anyways, things have changed now! Life took on a totally different turn..Now, just as I was ready to move on, and embrace the ever-enticing call of singledom…

I had to meet some macho idiot who won me over.. by telling me the influence of different cigarettes on the length and pleasure of your shit.

Yes.
I know.

I attract weirdos. But I’m happy with this one. 

And I have yet to tell my close friends about this new event.. So yeah, if you guys read it here, then, ask me about it soon…

Meanwhile, I am getting kinda restless, can’t wait to go back to Penang and eat eat eat. Sek sek sek. Naahhh.. can’t wait to see my mom’s smiling face and my cute ol’ granma. Haha.. getting old and homely D!!

And I miss all my friends back in Penang, and wherever the rest of you guys are now.. CALL ME! I know, you guys are definitely busy with your lives and assignments and college and partying and stuff.. but hey, I just wanna say I miss y’all anyways!

*hugz~

oh yeah.. things I did recently that are worth taking note of:

things that entered my wide-open gap:

–> ‘tempeh’ - fermented soybeans.. pretty good, actually..

–> black ants with bacardi limon. supposed to improve eyesight.

the ants, doiNK! not bacardi. or i’d be really high and contact-lens-less now.

useful things i’ve done recently:

–> killed 5 mosquitoes so far.

‘Nuff said.

I was kidnapped on Saturday night and allowed to go home Tuesday evening…

Tactic: I threatened Mr. Macho that I would tear his bright-hot-pink Pig (Mr.Ernie Bernie) into pieces.. so yeah… he let me go…

Back in my habitat…. I did the necessary nasty…

i launched into MARIA-MODE and..

did my laundry

cleaned my room

and.. CLeaned the Friggin’ toilet… AGAIN!!

and guess what? the beautiful part was that… about 10 minutes after I cleaned it.. some fucker had to walk in to my nice, beeyewtiful, squeaky-clean, sparkly toilet..

and do the pee, shuffle-style… in Friggin’ ShOES!

Note to self: Call in CSI and find out who that mysterious IRRITATING Size 8 blardy bustard is.

That aside… Life’s been peachy. I’ve been putting on tons of weight.. eating every single night.. like noone’s business. As I’d like to quote Mr. Macho.. (Who’s kinda like Johnny Bravo: "I have 2 words for you……… NO!"

So yeah, Mr. Macho said… "It’s the Month of the Time"

Yup. (In reply to me eating so much… Ah agree.. ah agreeeee…)

PIGS UNITE!!

That aside… life’s ok… and you know what?? That’s the weird part..

When everything’s going wrong.. I go.. Heck.. why’s my life so screwed up?!?

And then when everything’s kinda great.. I’m just waiting for things to go wrong.

And I was just saying this just now.. It’s so ironic. Life..

Nothing is ever A 100%.

You can be Really Happy… And at the same time.. So Afraid that you’ll lose that happiness.

WHy lah?? DOntcha agree?

Anyways…Saja-saja put this online…

This is kinda what’s goin thru my mind right now…just a lil something I wrote a LONG LONG time ago…

~~~~~

The World Is Silent

the world is silent
for a moment

as people leave
the sanity of mind
beyond fences of recognition

the world is silent
as a tormented being
cries out for help

all is falling apart
as souls perish
fail
and die

trash trash trash
life
no more
just sound, noise, hurt
pain, and sorrow
is all felt

or does heart even feel anymore
one crawls on
scraping through existence.

one crawls.

one stops.

one dies.

and the world is silent

once again.

@ drakkarnienna.deviantart.com

But I am not depressed… Just thought of it.. that’s all..

Hmmm…. no worries..

Til My next ToiLeT Trip..

CHeerZ~