soliloquy
it’s been raining. the whole day.
good to fill up petrol and maybe score some ciggies and reloads.
i’m so sick of wannabe cupcakes.
sick of pretentious copycats.
bloody fake sycophants. go away.
someone out there knows me.
most don’t. i act a lot.
yes i do. no i don’t. is that true?
i breathe heavier today.
heavy chest. why?
had an iced vanilla latte today. felt like change. stifled. predictable.
obsessed with vanity. others and mine.
wonder what it’s like on the other side of the mirror. fair, fairer, fairest?
raindrops only remind me of tears. their sounds bring remorse and feelings of darkness, guilt and depravity. waves however bring me relief, forgiveness and peace.
drop drop drop. trickle. smatter. drop.
if only life were simple for me.
i have so many wants - i’m Selfishness Personified.
what do i get out of dying?
where will i go then?
when will i go? tomorrow?
sounds disturb me, except my own.
i’m so irritated, it irritates me.
loneliness in company.
peace in solitude.
why the fucking contradictions?! for once, just be simple. be pleasant.
is he there? is he? why not? tell me.
or it’s all one big excuse. too many of late.
stop spying. it’s geek-ish.
i’m afraid of ending up like her.
i’m afraid he’ll end up like him.
i don’t want to have a kid like her.
am i gullible? many say i am.
deception - current? or past?
i’m so afraid of wrinkles. and a downturned mouth. more so than i am of cancer and liver failure. those happen to other people, not me. not yet.
turmoil, wretched soul. self-deprecating comments bring me joy. no, joy is permanent. happiness is momentary. yes, happiness.
sometimes my fingers look nice. other times, i think they look disgusting. so’s toes. like little alien-feelers sticking out of tree stumps. concentrate harder and i’d need to chop them off. where would that leave me then?
hmmm… i hmmm a lot when thoughts and what i want to write collide. hmmm…
i want to say so much - have the world sympathise, perhaps? no outlets for rage for sorrow for inadequacy for envy for despair.
you would be shocked by my thoughts.
what goes on in my head. *shrug* maybe everyone’s like that. we all just play at being like one another.
take a photo! take another! wheee…
is this nice? is this sexy? is this hawt?
i’m lost. really i am.
promises? i’m sorry grandma. maybe i’m just like her. a bigger faker. a worse hypocrite. coz you actually believe me.
hey, maybe this won’t work. it shouldn’t, should it? ready?
i’m too self absorbed = soliloquy
